There's a famous chapter on "How to Be a Good Wife" from a 1950s home economics textbook (Snopes says it
may be real, but they're not sure).
Here are a few of the more ridiculous excerpts about how to prepare for your husband coming home from work:
- Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal — on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
- Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift.
- Clear away the clutter: Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift, too.
Ridiculous, right?
But while I find the specifics of those tips preposterous, I think the general thought behind it is dead on:
every now and then, make your S.O. your complete and total focus.
Here are some of the tips from "How to be a Good Wife" I try to hold myself to as a husband (I reversed the gender to make a point):
- Some Don'ts: Don't greet her with problems or complaints...
- Listen to her: You may have a dozen things to tell her, but the moment of her arrival is not the time. Let her talk first.
- Make the evening hers: Never complain if she does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead, try to understand her world of strain and pressure, her need to be home and relax.
- The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace and order where your wife can relax.
If I could be blunt here... I think that modern egos are out of control. A lot of people seem to have forgotten how to take the focus off of themselves, and put it on their partner.
Everyone is so me, me, me.
This is what drove me crazy about Carrie Bradshaw on Sex and the City. She is like so many unhappy girls I know: completely and utterly focused on her own emotional needs. Don't get me wrong: I know that women have traditionally been encouraged to put aside ALL of their needs in order to serve a man. I'm not advocating that at all. But I think a lot of people these days (both male and female) are so selfish. Is it so terrible to try and make someone else happy?
Actually reading this list has inspired me. I am going to try and do better at even the first few things on the list:
- Have dinner ready: I don't cook, so on the way home I always try and pick something up for dinner for both of us on the way home. But Mrs. Macchiato works from home, and I know that she often doesn't have time to pick up lunch - so sometimes she doesn't eat until dinner! So I will try and prepare a lunch for her more often, and leave it as a surprise in the fridge.
- Prepare yourself: When Mrs. Macchiato gets home from running errands on the weekend, sometimes I haven't even showered yet. I also don't shave my beard on weekends... because I don't like to. I have to get better there. No ribbon in my hair though... gotta draw the line somewhere.
- Clear away the clutter: I think dusting is a waste of time, and have never done it. But if I "ran a dust cloth over the tables", I think Mrs. Macchiato would cry tears of joy.
So actually, maybe this isn't a bad list of ways you can make your partner happier.
Do I think that women (or men) should HAVE to do anything on this list? Absolutely not. But I am convinced that focusing on my wife's happiness is the surest path to finding my own.
Sometimes I think that feminism has overshot the mark. It's one thing to completely sublimate your needs for a man. But it's another thing to keep your partner's needs in mind, and prioritize their happiness.
Do you ever wonder if feminism has overshot the mark? Do you think you will make a good wife (or husband)?
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Comments (228)
Hah, I knew it! I remembered the title from a powerpoint I had to do last year. ^_^'
I don't think the ideas are so bad, it's just that it all was directed towards wives serving their husbands.
I like what you did, though! =D Rewrote the list for yourself, that is. I think everybody should do that every once in a while, just for a reality check.
i actually dont think any of those sound that ridiculous, depending on the situation of course. but if you have the time, why not? and i like what you added on your own part.i agree with heartofpandora =P
I love a story I was told about a woman whose first husband presented her with a list of all the things he wanted her to do as his wife and she was never able to do do them all, no matter how hard she tried. He died, she remarried to a man who just loved her for who she was. Years later she finds the list and discovers that she had been fulfilling it for her current spouse. Love is the greatest motivator. Selfishness is pretty lame, but so is feeling pressure to perform or to be dutiful.
"But I am convinced that focusing on my wife's happiness is the surest path to finding my own."
You sound like the PERFECT husband.
And I think any person can be a good life partner as long as they remember to communicate and keep in mind the needs of their partner.
No no... I have many flaws. This post is a reminder to myself that I can be better.
Feminism has definitely overshot the mark. And people wonder why there are so many unhappy couples and discontent singles out there.
i remember reading the home ec article years ago and it gave me a good chuckle. times have changed for sure and i find it rare that people are considerate. you hit the nail on the forehead where so many people are focused on me, me, me.... how about you and us?
Pbbbt. I'm a house wife, and I don't really follow by those guide lines. My husband doesn't expect me to fresh'n up. He tells me I'm beautiful with or without the makeup. I don't really cook every night either. I eat lightly and differently than my husband, but I still serve to please him. But I don't always have it planned out ahead of time. And as far as the clutter that's kinda an automatic thing, and a shared task.
I agree with pandora about it all being directed at wives serving their husbands. We don't live in the old days. I think everything should be done as a team and together. Not so much one serving the other.
My hubby and I work together =] Most the time anyway lol
feminism has gotten to the point where women have their cake and eat it too. The best relationships happen when both sides constantly try to make their sig other happy. It's a win-win right there cuz you're making the spouse happy, and in return, the spouse treats you well. But yeah, too many women these days only think about themselves. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong areas... bleh.
well i like rule #2 at the top because i am a little gay already. as for the rest, it works both ways.
gg mr. macchiato.
i like (:
Great entry. What does S.O. stand for?
@pretty_vanilla - Significant Other:
* http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Significant_other
you'd definately make any s.o. happy with that list!
I think the things on that list do hold a little bit of truth to them. They are a bit extreme, though...
They aren't bad ideas but they should be done by the husband or the wife not expected of them. As for a wife I wouldn't make a very good one unless the husband got me a maid since I'm not a fan of cleaning.
Just remember this book is from the 1950's when females are just focused on getting married after they're out of high school. Now, women are putting their goals first and then when they're in their 40's unmarried (even though they have sex like a porn star), completely independent, decides between artificial insemination or a dildo, because having a relationship with the opposite sex is very hard or impossible to understand because it just selfishness on either part.
i think feminism has totally over shot good balance. i get kinda annoyed when women get mad about guys opening doors for them and stuff. i'm a professional.. i work in a male dominated environment... but dammit.. i LIKE IT when guys open doors for me and stuff. i
chilvarly and gallantry.
i'd be a stellar wife.
but only if he is reasonable, reasonably smart, and likes balance. and he'd better like to do dishes because although i love cooking... i hate dishes. 
Feminism has gone from equality to world domination in some cases.
And I think I would make an excellent wife. :)
This is a good article for my wife. I'll show it to her...
the textbook is real - my home ec teacher in highschool had one. frightening.
also: feminism =/= women being selfish, self-centred, self-absorbed neurotics. that would be a product of the "memememe" society you complain about. ask yourself why you think to blame feminism when women act that way, but not when men do? it's not a monolithic, unchanging, singular set of ideas. it's a series of ideas and ways of analysing culture that has, not surprisingly, changed rather significantly since the 1970s feminism everybody loves to hate (and misquote).
You're an inspiration. If only I could get my roommates on Xanga to read this post in particular.
Where's the part about giving the husband a BJ? Or greeting him at the door in your lingerie with an ice cold beer?
I agree with you completely. People need to get over themselves and focus on their partners. Sure, your own needs are important, but... People are selfish, and a lot of those women out there, like the girl on Sex and the City (which I can't STAND to watch), don't make a good example for feminism. I never thought of it that way, but saying that people have overshot the mark is a good way to put it. You're right.
We all need to look out for ourselves, but when we do find someone that loves us... Expecting them to make us happy all the time isn't going to make the relationship work. If one doesn't work hard to make the other happy, then the other can't reciprocate so easily. Love isn't about making yourself happy... It's about making your love happy, and then your love making you happy.
Anyway. I like your Sex and the City example, and the "overshot the mark" example. I really agree, you're right about this.
@Silverfoot - I agree with you on this, and I hate that people associate feminism with selfish/highstrung women. Unfortunately, I think part of this is because a lot of women who are the "me me me" type also identify strongly as a feminist... Which, really, I'd say they're doing it wrong. Sex and the City is seen as a strong female's show, right? The women in it are rather feminist, as well. But I can't say that's helping feminism much. Maybe it's just me, since I hate the show... But when we need a show where women are sleeping around, being obsessed over shoes, and thinking "me me me" all the time, in order for it to be considered a strong female's show... I think we've gone wrong somewhere. Then again, I just hate the show.