By
Mr. Macchiato
Growing up, I noticed that almost every woman is insecure on some level about her looks. I didn't date a ton, but I noticed early on that every time I complimented a girl on her looks, she would beam happily. I filed this little tidbit away in my teenaged brain for later use.
Then one day years later, I found myself dating this really attractive woman. We dressed up to go to a fancy dinner, and she looked really stunning. So I told her, "You're really beautiful."
She said, "I know."
I was really shocked by her answer! My magic compliment no longer worked?? I mean, sure I was being sincere when I said it... but I had never gotten that response before. I wasn't sure what to think. Was she just vain? Or maybe she figured it was the truth, so why deny it? Or maybe she felt like I thought she looked beautiful, so she was just accepting the compliment?
Looking back, the answer to that doesn't matter. Over time, I realized that EVERYONE has insecurities. Sure she may not have been insecure about her looks, but there are so many things in life to be insecure about. I don't want to rat her out, but here's a list of insecurities I've seen in the past (in others and in myself):
- Looks
- Smarts
- Talent
- Wealth
- Popularity
- Career
- Power
Personally, I am probably most insecure about my career. I don't worry about gaining money or power - I think about whether or not the work I'm doing is making a difference in the world at large. My constant worry is that I'm not doing enough. But you know what - I will probably never feel like I am doing enough, you know? That's the nature of an insecurity... nothing can make it go away.
Are you insecure about your looks? Or is there something else you're insecure about?
Comments (14)
Bah, I was never told I was pretty or anything like that growing up, so now it's really super weird when people compliment me. It's like dude where were you when I was gaining (very little of) the necessary self-esteem?! I coulda used your help!!
I'm a compliment deflector, now, or most often it's just *smile and nod, don't forget the thank-you.* Occasionally, though, I'll see myself out of the corner of my eye in a mirror and go SNAP WHO'S THAT?!?!!1? before realizing it's me... (this is what I get for cutting off all my hair) but it's a good thing, because I don't think I'm ugly anymore. Not amazingly beautiful, but not arghshe'sbuttugly.
I can be insecure about different aspects of the way I look sometimes. It's just a part of being a woman, I think...we all have our days where we can only see every single flaw in ourselves and then there are days where we look in the mirror and think "Damn, I look good."
The smarts and looks/weight. That has always been something I've struggled feeling insecure with. When I was younger I was picked on a lot about it and so it just carried with me through out the years. Even now, 23 and married, it still bothers me
Women will always be insecure.The more beautiful they are the more insecure they are.But thats just about looks.Insecurities can arise due to so many other reasons.
But you know the day I dress smartly and look good,I also feel good about myself.And if I feel confident,I guess it shows.
The day goes very well from there then.
I was insecure about being petite (slim and height-wise) but I've also been insecure about being asian, being the only female at an all male firm, being too hardworking, etc. until I realized I can't be insecure about these things because they really define who I am. Although I must admit it's something that I constantly have to keep in mind- to love me for me- because, and although this sounds cliche, it's what makes me unique and allows me to bring a unique perspective to the table. I think true empowerment is when we can all take these insecurities and embrace and love ourselves for them rather than beat ourselves over. -- I LOVE ME FOR MEEEE =D --
I'm a guy and I'm insecure with a lot of stuff about myself, but it's mostly my looks.
My physique is "skin 'n' bones." I've been struggling to keep the acne at bay since I hit puberty. And it's not just a couple here or there, my face is littered. Some of my lowest times were when I had huge red zits on my nose. There were a few times that I looked like Rudolph the Reindeer. My teeth are naturally stained undesirable colors from my parents giving me too much flouride when I was a baby--I have never had a cavity though.
I'm insecure about the future. There isn't anything that I'm naturally good at. And whatever I want to do, I'll have to break my back to be successful.
I'm insecure when it comes to girls and relationships. I'm too embarrassed to go on.
I'm not insecure about my looks unless I'm really just feeling bad and stare at myself to find something wrong. I've always had a naysayer telling me I couldn't do something or that I was just stupid, but I graduated high school with a 3.85 something, so for as much as that's worth I'm pretty secure that I'm at least good at school.
I guess popularity would be my biggest insecurity. After I graduated from high school I found out who my friends were, and as it turned out, I didn't have any, because no one's really contacted me since. Not that I really want most of them to. But the people that I do talk to, I always have this nagging feeling that they just talk to me because I talk to them, and that they really just don't like me. I have a suspicion that people really don't like my personality and that I am socially inept. I'm immature about sex and that's why guys won't date me, and I kind of resemble a 12 year old (I'm 18). My dad told me if I wasn't so sarcastic maybe I'd have friends, and my semi-friend-person said if I don't "open up" I'll never have a boyfriend. Except his idea of "opening up" goes waaay beyond my comfy point right now.
Oh and I suck at everything except writing, which may not even be as good as I think it is.
'Kay. lol. That was nice.
Just the usual physical appearance thing once in a while. Right now it's definitely the thunder thighs.
And I am very very shy when it comes to new people as well. I've been shy my whole life. I cant help it.
<3
Great post.
Yes, I have insecurities. I've started to recognize many of the ones that you have listed in other people around me as well.
I used to be insecure about my shape because all the guys I dated/liked are very skinny, and I wanted to look just as skinny so we'll look proportionate. Didn't want to appear thicker fearing that I can just injure them. But then I realized I can't get any more skinner, my assets are there for a reason-and all that matters is that I can just be happy with the person I'm spending with.
I don't like the redness I'm getting on my skin, some days I'm lucky and some days not-so-lucky.
Maybe for teenagers or young persons...
Like you said we are all insecure about something in our lives. Whether it is looks, personality or something about our lifestyle. Insecurity is almost impossible to not have in one way or another. I dont care how confident a person may appear to be. Even the most rich and most beautiful person has to have atleast one thing they are insecure about. It is all about how well they hide their insecurities. I honestly think that insecurity to a degree makes us human beings and reminds us how much we need each other to give and recieve verbal assurance, love or some other kind of sign that we are being accepted.
I however think that we can overcome insecurities through growth and development. But i dont think that there comes a time in our lives when we stop feeling insecure about something. Insecurity just shifts from one thing onto another during the process of personal growth.
If i were to mention my own insecurities right now i would probably go down a pretty long list.... probably better i dont. But I will eventually get past them. Two main insecurities that stand out the most though are most likely finding the right person and parenting. Both are pretty hard subjects to come by and there is not just one answer for either one of them.
while i am insecure about my looks and success among other things, my biggest insecurity is my ears. or, more specifically, my partial deafness and my hearing aids. i always fear that with every new person i meet, i'll lose them the second they find out about my disability. and i have lost friends that way before, boyfriends, even.
and that insecurity is also the reason why i try my best to hold onto the friends and my boyfriend as best as i can, because i know they are true friends, for not caring, for looking past. i don't want to lose them.