Wednesday, 25 June 2008

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Comments (26)

  • a_better_you@xanga

    First!

    I tell my boyfriend everything, so I wouldn't mind if he went through my phone.  And even though I trust that he tells me everything, I've gone through his phone a few times.  I think that even if you trust your significant other, it's still mostly about curiosity.  I mean, who doesn't want a peek into someone else's life that may or may not be private?
  • niez_cho@xanga

    i think it depends on the level of trust and honesty between the two. 
  • ToBeReborn@xanga

    My husband can browse my phone history any times he pleases. I don't think it should matter. I mean, it's ok to want privacy, but I don't think it should be a big deal either if they do. My husband knows who I talk to as I do him. We openly share these things. If he were to ask me not to read them, I wouldn't. And vice versa.

    But we're married. I think it's a little different for people who are dating. Before I was married, if my BF were to grab my phone and just start flipping through it, that would probably make me a little frustrated. If he were to ask, that would be another thing.

    Anyway, my husband never really bothers my phone. There is the occasional "Who are you talking to?" but that's usually a sign that he wants attention and is hinting for me to tell let them go so I can spend time with him. Sometimes just out of curiosity. Every once in a while he'll pick up my phone if it's just laying there and kinda snoop through it. That doesn't bother me, I do the same thing to his.

    You should ask the same thing about wallets. Were pretty much the same way about that too.
  • lovemonkeyy@xanga

    It's okay to do occasionally, but don't make it a habit.

    Maybe if you're married or in a very serious relationship but if you're just dating then no. That trust is not there

    <3
  • shadow720@xanga

    i see no reason to go through anyones cell phone for call logs or txt history.  respect their privacy. and if you don't trust your sig other that's an issue.
  • onestepcloserto_perfection@xanga

    It's more about if that significant other is okay w/ it than if you're okay w/ it.
  • laurenmaureen@xanga

    i think it's an invasion of privacy. i mean, i guess it's one thing if you're trying to bust them for cheating or something, but if you just read them for the hell of it, then yeah i think its wrong. i wouldn't want him reading MY personal messages [although he did it in the past, back when we were dating. but he asked first. kind of.] at least ask first if you're going to.
  • TheCheshireGrins@xanga

    No way, it's totally an invasion of privacy. A friend of my boyfriend was dating this guy and she checked his emails, phone, facebook and found some information that was innocent and totally misconstrued it, which resulted in a huge fight and her boyfriend losing some of his trust.
  • pikapril25@xanga

    yeah

    it's how my friend found out her boyfriend was cheating on her
    -_-
  • bekkathebaka@xanga

    If you trust them a lot, you shouldn't have to. But you should have the right to. They shouldn't have anything to hide in their history. So I say yes it should be okay. 
  • miss_prettyinpink@xanga

    I would probably do it (since I like to snoop), but I would ask him first before doing it. I don't care if my boyfriend goes through my text messages. There's nothing too interesting in there anyway. 
  • Jet_Cabusao@xanga

    I think that it really depends on the intention behind the whole thing. If it is just curiosity, then that's fine. My SO and I peak through each other's phones all the time if we get bored. And generally the only time I tell him he can't read messages is if I've been talking to a mate about something that is private for my mate. Because then it isn't my place to let my bf see those messages.

    It is a privacy issue, but if you're in a serious relationship then I believe you shouldn't be private about it anyway. If my bf started saying I couldn't read his phone, then I'd wonder what he was trying to hide.
  • covet_me@xanga

    although it is an issue of trust and respecting their privacy, if they have nothing to hide, then it shouldn't be a big deal.  unless (as the person above me said), there's something personal about someone else that isnt anyone else's business.


    i used to snoop out of boredom (with or without them present), the one bf who got pissed at me for invading their privacy was the one i caught cheating.  the one who didn't care had nothing to hide, and eventually i stopped looking anyway cuz there was nothing interesting to see.  =P
  • MyWordz_SoSweet@xanga

    I don't feel it's ok. It's an invasion of privacy.I use to feel ok and paranoid so I felt I had to.


    Being with my current boyfriend made me realize that it's not ok. Everyone deserves their privacy and to feel trustworthy. When I use to do this to him, it kind of put a strain on our relationship. It got in the way of things.


    Now, everything is smooth. I do it sometimes but not as much. Just once really...
  • k_cakes@xanga

    my boyfriend and i check our call log record and text history and emails and i monitor his activity on facebook.

    and and and i wouldn`t have it any other way but i realize now that maybe he might so i`m going to ask him.
  • valentina_vii@xanga

    I dont think it's right to snoop, if you feel the need to have to check emails/texts/facebook/xanga etc then I feel that their are other issues underlying that you need to resolve withing yourself and or the relationship.


    I even feel sorta guilty if I go to his xanga/facebook to leave a comment or something. I'm just big on resepecting privacy and the other persons space.
  • xlilsecretx@xanga

    its an invasion of privacy. whether youre dating the person or married to them, you should trust them. if you dont trust them, you have bigger issues than to worry about who they are calling or texting.
    the same thing applies to email... would you go through their emails if they left it open on the computer? everyone is entitled to their own privacy and people need to respect that.

  • tenderbeing@xanga

    why not ask straight if you can see your other half's phone?
    If he/she reluctantly agrees, you do know u need to have a talk.
    personally, asking to see the phone isnt an invasion of privacy. you made known of your action and motive. Im sure the only reason to see the texts are for the obvious reason. Its subjective on how you see this, the maturity level of 2 persons is essential.
  • beachblondie711@xanga

    My boyfriend goes through my phone all the time. I don't care because I have nothing to hide. BUT it does sort of suck a little bit every time, because I know he is doing it to check up on me and who I've been talking to. I know his motives are to make sure nothing's going on.


    It is annoying that he can't trust me fully. I've never, in three years, done ANYTHING to shake his trust. He has done several such things, and you don't see me going through his phone. It's called respecting his privacy, and trusting him despite his past mistakes.


    On the flip side, I too have a friend who went through his s/o's texts and found out she was cheating on him. This may make it seem alright. But if that's what you were looking for, that means you don't trust said s/o and therefore your relationship needs rethinking anyways. I think it's sneaky. I don't think it's okay.
  • Hard_Core_Cupcake@xanga

    invasion of privacy.


    if they trust u, they dont need to be snoopin in ur shit
  • sprackalicious@xanga

    I was with this one guy, and I had some serious feelings for him, and I just honestly felt like there was something wrong. I didn't get it all right though, I knew there was someone else, but I was accusing all the wrong people for it.

    I didn't know that until I looked at his text messages, I only looked at the first one, and saw who it was really. It said "you better call me, I miss you baby."

    It was what I needed. I needed to see that I was wrong, I needed to see that he WAS lying to me. If it wasn't right in front of my face I wouldn't have believed it.

    I didn't believe it, even when it was right in front of my face, everything was right there, and it still makes me feel so dumb now looking back, that I didn't see it.

    But if I didn't see that text I wouldn't have gotten a name to confront him about, and it would have been that much easier for him to two time me.
  • ThePlushyOne@xanga

    I think if you have nothing to hide, it probably shouldn't matter. I think looking over the shoulder and such are fine, but going through like the history probably isn't right. Sure if they have nothing hide it should be fine, but then why would you be looking in the first place if there isn't any trust?

    I used to do this in a past relationship with consent bc of his infidelities and knew all his passwords and etc... he got caught lying at least once, but it definitely wasn't a healthy system. After that huge trust breaking relationship, i did do it with other ex-bfs, and I know they didn't appreciate me snooping... With the last ex, it made me really paranoid when i did check things, but he'd always have an explanation for things, and i really dont think he would have cheated on me either.

    On the flip, whenever exes did similar things to me, I wasn't exactly pleased. So no, I don't think it's okay.

    These days I feel like I'm back to my old beliefs, and for the most part, you tend to know when you're really with someone genuine and trust worthy. So if you're constantly feeling unsettled, i think its either communication issues that need work, or its just someone u shouldn't be with, regardless if you have evidence or not bc it comes down to how you feel about that person/relationship.

  • wrecked_xx@xanga

    i check my boyfriends phone a lot, but mainly because i know he's a real flirter (even though he almost never realises he's flirting) and a lot of girls develop crushes on him. more than just once or twice, girls have acted on it - i check his phone and texts just so i know what the hell is going on and have at least a heads up, and time to "mark my territory" before some other chick tries to move in on it.

    it's a matter of making sure everyone else knows that he's my boyfriend, not a boy up for grabs.
  • writingsongsforBlair@xanga

    if you ask first, and have known each other for a while (first date prolly isn't a good idea).

    I believe in "if you have nothing to hide, then why worry?" but I would be concerned that he thinks I have trust issues or that he has trust issues.
  • anonymous

    It is never ok to invade someone's privacy. we all have a right to privacy. throughout my life(since childhood) my privacy has constantly been invaded and my boundaries have been crossed. it is a violation. if u can't trust someone, and you intuitively feel like there is a reason to suspect cheating or whatever...then you shouldn't be in that relationship. that kind of action is a sign of an insecure person. invasion of privacy is disrespectful and a warning sign of jealousy, possessiveness, and trying to control someone. Just ask yourself would you want someone reading your private diary? reading your mind? even if you have nothing to hide, privacy should be respected. if you love someone you would respect their privacy. it does not feel good to be violated in that way....it is not a sign of a healthy relationship

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