By
Mr. Macchiato Women are constantly telling me that "men are threatened by strong women".
This is such a crock! All of my guy friends are dating or married to strong women. The idea that men are threatened by strong women is just something that a lot of modern women say to make themselves feel better. Allow me to elaborate.
I think a lot of women have lost the art of catering to a man's ego. My friend Lucy is the perfect example. She is smart, attractive, and fun. But when we meet up for drinks, she's always going out of her way to show me that she is smarter than me. That's her right, and I am happy to let her "win" in our conversations (which somehow always end up becoming "debates"). But it makes me not want to spend a lot of time with her... and it's clear she doesn't see the connection between her behavior and her relationships.
Lucy's dating life is a never ending source of drama. She has no problems getting dates, but has trouble getting the men to commit. Her boyfriends often tell her that they are "afraid of commitment"... then they break up and the guy often marries the next woman he dates! She's also been "the other women" several times, but then they break up when she asks for more. It seems men enjoy spending time with her, but only in small doses.
My theory is that's because she has zero ability to make a man feel good about himself. Is that a terribly sexist thing to say? I should clarify: I am a man, and I too spend a huge amount of my time and energy making people (male and female) feel good about themselves. In this day and age, everyone seems to have an increasingly huge ego. Spending a little time catering to egos doesn't seem like too much to ask.
A few examples of how Lucy sometimes makes me feel about two inches... tall.
- If I start a story that she thinks she's heard before, she will immediately cut me off and tell me, "Yah you already told me that." Oh really? It makes me want to make up another story that starts in the exact same way, but ends with a super duper cool new ending... that will show her!
- If I share an idea, she will often tell me how she thought of something similar earlier, and often tell me when she thought of it. ZOMG!!!!11! I get it: you've thought of everything I will ever think of!
- If I meet up with her and her bf, she will lovingly mock him in front of me. I don't care how comfortable you are with your lover... please don't mock him in front of another man. I can't think of a faster way to disrespect your partner!
Anyway, I don't buy into the idea that "men are threatened by strong women". I think that many men are drawn to strong women... but that strong personalities often forget to take care of their partner's egos. And that, more than anything else, will drive a partner away.
Are men are threatened by strong women?
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Comments (278)
Perhaps in Western cultures, this may be true, but in Asian cultures, it's not like that. At least, not as much, for sure.
I generally agree with your ideas. Very excellent post!
ive never thought of it that way but i think youre right. and i love the idea of retelling the same story with a new-and-improved ending. funny.
Hmm makes me wonder if I'm the "strong women" that men avoid...
I think to an extent, yeah, especially if paychecks are involved and the woman makes more money than the man.
I think women are just stuck in the romantic idea of the days when women were rebelling against society for equal rights. Back then, men were afraid of strong women because they liked the world the way it was. However, we're (mostly) past that, and there's no reason to continue that argument.
Maybe it's just that people are afraid of feeling stupid around someone they could potentially feel something from. Who would want a relationship like that?
lucy sounds awesome haha
i don't think it's so much "strong" women as women who are trying to prove themselves. in trying to prove themselves, people don't want to be around them (men or women).
lol i dunno.. i love boosting egos for some reason..
but i personally think i have an admiration complex..LMAOLMAO
if there is even such a thing... ^_^
but i dunno i think men don't get attracted to me for the same reason, they'll see me as a good/nice girl
but also a boring one coz I will admire them, and men like the chase/the challenge.
or maybe im just not good enough. who knows ^_^
Some women think being a annoying bitch is being strong.
"Men threatened by strong women" is pretty general. I'm sure it doesn't pertain to all men and to all "strong" women. Honestly, more power to strong women.
People need to stop having others make themselves feel better. That's just it. People need to feel better by their own actions, ambitions, and experiences. Using others for some ego crutch (men and women alike) just creates an emotionally dependent society. INDEPENDENCE MEN &WOMEN BOTH!
Though, I think there is definitely a yin/yang approach to men and women. Sometimes it's a "stronger" male; other times a "stronger" female. Well, you know what-- I'll say that with a stronger sense of both genders, you got yourself a power couple!
Good post!
PS: I find that there are lots of guy versions of Lucy too.
Great points. Every guy I have met have adored "strong women." Men, and just about everyone, want someone to stroke their ego, and as sexist as it sounds, I think that's a basic role a woman has to play. There's nothing wrong with it...as long as they aren't lying. It makes people feel better. And I think the only people who are intimidated by "strong women" are men with something to prove or some sort of macho superiority complex.
I agree! I don't think that having a strong personality means you can use your strength as an excuse for your negligence. Everyone needs attention, care, and a bit of an ego-feed, regardless of gender.
A lot of times when I read posts on this subject matter (women's nature or the like), I get terribly frustrated and all these fiery responses are going off in my mind, but I found this post to be wonderfully written and reasonably argued.
p.s. It saddens me that when you mentioned that bit about Lucy saying she's already thought of something, I remembered that earlier today I did the same exact thing to my boyfriend. Whoops! :X
I loved " but ends with a super duper cool new ending...'!
I think you summed this up well in there being a big difference between a :strong woman" and "a woman with a strong personality".
Lucy sounds like she would benefit from a good counselor.
i mock my bf in public, but we''s usually with his guy friends so theyre the ones mocking him in the first place, hahaha. seriously though, there should be an equal (or close enough) balance between catering to your partner's ego and vice versa. i think lucy needs to learn to listen a little better and choose partners who can handle her personality better.
strong women have big egos too, maybe lucy is fishing for compliments. men should learn how to cater to a woman's ego as well ;p
@Ju1cyXCouture - Please be careful about mocking your bf in front of his friends! I know they do it too, but that doesn't necessarily make it OK. I've seen some guys act like it's OK, but they're secretly hurt inside (OK, I am talking about myself haha!).
I agree that Lucy could choose partners better. But I don't know if any partner would be able to take on the full brunt of her ego-crushing personality. I hope I am wrong and she finds nothing but happiness in the years ahead...
I didn't think of it this way.... but you have a lot of good points. I think, as a relationship progresses, my attitude picks up some aspects of your friend Lucy & I feel bad since I'm pretty sure it was the source of turmoil & tension for my last serious relationship.
Thanks for sharing.
I don't think guys are scared of strong women... women simply lost the softer touch.
=P
I think this was an excellent post. And no I don't think men are threatened by strong women, but I do think strong women who maybe have their bitch meter on cruise control need to take control of their actions again and realize the difference between "I am women hear me roar!" and "F*** Off!". Not to be rude to your friend, of course lol.
there's a big difference between a strong woman who can listen and interact well with others, and a strong woman who can not.
men are not threatened by strong women, they just stay away from the more annoying ones.
BTW I am a strong woman married to a strong man- it works
x
Its not a matter of being threatened by women, but quite a few strong women mistake dominance of character to mean dominance in every aspect of their relationship. Men want to be men: they don't want to be upstaged by a woman who is on a mission to prove something. Otherwise that reason we asked 'em out sounds pretty silly in retrospect.
it depends. I mean, I'm sure criminals feel very threatened when Wonder Woman drops out of the sky and pounds them. On the other hand, Vandal Savage didn't look threatened, but he's immortal so.....yeah.
@NDM - now that's annoying.